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Are You Being Gaslit?
February 14, 2024
Katherine Nestor

How to recognise the signs of gaslighting in relationships and the workplace.

Partners or co-workers who use gaslighting to manipulate those around them don’t always come off as calculated or harmful individuals. This is why it’s important to be able to recognise the signs and symptoms of gaslighting in relationships and the workplace.


Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the "gaslighter" uses a variety of tactics to make the victim doubt their own perception, memory, and reality.


We’ve broken gaslighting down into four main categories to help you recognise its patterns before it gets to this stage: 


  1. Scapegoating 

Scapegoating is the act of unfairly blaming someone else for problems or issues in the relationship or workplace. The gaslighter has a repeated outlet for their frustration, and the victim is made to feel inadequate or incompetent in daily life. 


Example in relationships: When a gaslighter has been repeatedly slacking on household chores and the victim voices their frustration, the gaslighter may falsely blame their lack of motivation on the victim’s ‘nagging’ or ‘criticism’. This unfair blame perpetuates the cycle of built-up frustration and nagging in the victim, and inaction from the gaslighter. 


Example in the workplace: A manager may consistently hold one employee responsible for the team’s underperformance, even though the issue may be due to management itself. The employee starts to believe they are bad at their job, and volunteers for tasks less often, fearing further failure. 


  1. Coercion 

Coercion refers to the use of charm, threats, manipulation, or force to make someone do something against their better judgment. It disregards the consent of the victim and damages their sense of independence. 


Example in relationships: After a period of withdrawal towards their partner, a gaslighter may offer charming gifts to distract from their behaviour. Any remaining bitterness from the victim could be labelled ungrateful, removing accountability from the gaslighter and leaving the victim silenced, allowing the cycle to repeat. 


Example in the workplace: An employee has consistently worked overtime as their boss keeps suggesting a possible promotion. However, the boss has no plans to reward the employee and even brings up subtle threats of job security throughout the day to manipulate them into working longer. 


  1. The Straight-Up Lie

Lying seems like the most obvious tactic, but in gaslighting its aim is to cover up damaging or shameful behaviours. The gaslighter consistently provides false information, denies the truth, or distorts facts. 


Example in relationships: The gaslighter may have a habit of lying about their whereabouts and may even fabricate evidence. This makes their partner doubt their own authority to ever question their partner, allowing the cycle to repeat.


Example in the workplace: After a manager makes a mistake, they might falsely claim that their employee was the one who did it, and may bring up fake conversations with other staff members or fabricated evidence to convince the employee of their failure. 


  1. Reality Manipulation

This kind of manipulation can make a victim question their perception of their experiences and memories. Gaslighters use various tactics to achieve this, including denying the truth, minimising concerns, and creating confusion to gain power and control. 


Example in relationships: The victim sees the gaslighter speaking to their ex-girlfriend at a party and expresses her discomfort. The gaslighter tells the victim that he didn’t and that she’s always imagining things, making the victim question her memories from the party and previous occasions.


Example in the workplace: An employee may be granted time off for a holiday, but as their holiday approaches, their boss falsely states that they never officially authorised it and is disappointed in the employee. This makes the employee doubt their memory and perceptions of past meetings.



If you think you might be a victim or even a perpetrator of gaslighting, it is important to have a support system. We recommend reaching out to mental health professionals such as our trusted team at We Lysnvia welysn.com.



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How to support someone close to you struggling with addiction

By Katherine Nestor • July 31, 2024
Addiction is a significant public health issue in Australia, affecting many individuals and their families and colleagues. Supporting someone close to you who is struggling with addiction can be challenging, but it is also an opportunity to make a significant difference in their recovery journey. Here are some evidence-based strategies, tailored to the Australian context, to effectively support a friend dealing with addiction. 1. Educate Yourself About Addiction Understanding addiction is the first step in providing meaningful support. Addiction is a chronic disease that affects the brain's reward, motivation, and memory functions. It is not a moral failing or a lack of willpower. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW), in 2019, about 1 in 20 Australians aged 14 and over had used an illicit drug in the past year. By learning about the nature of addiction, the factors that contribute to it, and the challenges of recovery, you can approach your friend, family member or colleague with empathy and knowledge. 2. Listen Without Judgement One of the most valuable things you can offer your friend, family member or colleague is a non-judgemental ear. Addiction is often accompanied by feelings of shame and guilt, which can be exacerbated by judgmental attitudes. When your friend, family member or colleague talks about their struggles, listen actively and empathetically. Avoid interrupting or offering unsolicited advice. Sometimes, just being there and listening can provide immense relief. 3. Encourage Professional Help While your support is crucial, professional treatment is often necessary for recovery. Encourage your friend to seek help from healthcare providers, therapists, or addiction specialists. Australia has many resources available, such as the Alcohol and Drug Foundation (ADF) and the National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline (1800 250 015). Offer to help them research treatment options, make appointments, or accompany them to their first session. However, it’s important to respect their autonomy and decision-making process. 4. Set Boundaries Supporting a friend, family member or colleague with addiction does not mean compromising your well-being. Set clear boundaries to protect yourself from potential harm or burnout. This might include not enabling their addictive behaviours, avoiding situations where they might use substances, and maintaining your mental health. Healthy boundaries are essential for both your well-being and the effectiveness of your support. 5. Promote Healthy Activities Encourage your friend, family member or colleague to engage in healthy, substance-free activities that can serve as positive coping mechanisms. This can include exercise, hobbies, or social events that do not involve drugs or alcohol. Joining them in these activities can provide a supportive and non-judgemental environment. Participating in local events or outdoor activities, which are abundant in Australia, can be particularly beneficial. 6. Be Patient and Persistent Recovery from addiction is a long and often non-linear process. Your friend, family member or colleague may experience setbacks or relapses, which can be disheartening. It’s important to remain patient and persistent in your support. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, and remind them that setbacks are a part of the journey, not a failure. 7. Seek Support for Yourself Supporting someone with an addiction can be emotionally taxing. It’s important to seek support for yourself as well. Consider joining support groups for friends and family of individuals with addiction, such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, which are available throughout Australia. These groups can provide a sense of community and shared experience, helping you cope with the challenges of supporting your friend. 8. Encourage a Supportive Environment Help your friend, family member or colleague build a supportive network of friends, family, and professionals who understand their struggles and support their recovery. This might involve encouraging them to distance themselves from people or environments that trigger their addictive behaviours and instead, fostering relationships that promote sobriety and well-being. 9. Avoid Enabling Behaviour While it’s important to be supportive, it’s equally important not to enable your friend, family member or colleague’s addiction. Enabling behaviours can include giving them money, covering up for their mistakes, or minimising the consequences of their actions. Instead, focus on supporting their recovery efforts and encouraging responsible behaviour. 10. Stay Informed About Relapse Prevention Understanding the triggers and warning signs of relapse can help you support your friend, family member or colleague in maintaining their recovery. Encourage them to develop a relapse prevention plan and to seek immediate help if they feel they are at risk of relapsing. Being aware of their triggers and helping them avoid high-risk situations can be crucial in their recovery process. Supporting a friend, family member or colleague struggling with addiction is a compassionate and challenging endeavour. By educating yourself, listening without judgment, encouraging professional help, setting boundaries, promoting healthy activities, and remaining patient, you can provide meaningful support. Remember, your friend, family member or colleague’s journey to recovery is their own, and your role is to offer encouragement and support along the way. Seeking support for yourself and understanding the complexities of addiction can further enhance your ability to help your friend navigate their path to recovery. If you need support We Lysn Mental Health Professionals are ready to have a session with you today, book here . Key Australian Resources for Addiction Support National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline : 1800 250 015 Alcohol and Drug Foundation (ADF) : www.adf.org.au Lifeline : 13 11 14 (24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention services) Al-Anon Family Groups Australia : www.al-anon.org.au

Cyberbullying: Crippling Mental Health Impacts and How to Help

By Katherine Nestor • July 15, 2024
Cyberbullying, often disguised behind screens and usernames, inflicts deep wounds on the psyche of its victims. This National Day of Action against Bullying and Violence in Australia, it is imperative to shed light on the crippling mental health consequences of cyberbullying and explore ways to combat the insidious phenomenon. The Silent Tormentor Hurtful messages, online harassment, and the spread of malicious rumours as seen in cyberbullying can lead to anxiety, depression, and, in extreme cases, suicidal thoughts. However, the anonymity provided by the internet only encourages perpetrators, due to an ability to escape any true consequences. Additionally, the 24/7 nature of online communication ensures that the torment can happen at any time or location, invading the victim's personal space even when they attempt to escape. The Toll on Mental Health Research consistently highlights the correlation between cyberbullying and deteriorating mental health. The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (2021) reports that victims mostly fall between the young ages of 14 and 17, and often experience increased stress, lowered self-esteem, and a sense of hopelessness due to cyberbullying. The fear of judgement and ridicule can push individuals into social withdrawal, exacerbating feelings of loneliness and isolation, and impact academic and professional performance. Breaking the Chains: What Can Be Done While the battle against cyberbullying may seem daunting, there are effective strategies to mitigate its toll: 1. Open Communication: Encourage victims to share their experiences with trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals. Creating a supportive environment is crucial in breaking the isolation cycle. 2. Digital Literacy Education: Equip individuals with the skills to navigate the online world safely. This includes understanding the consequences of cyberbullying, recognising its signs, and learning how to respond appropriately. See here for more information. 3. Reporting and Blocking: Platforms must provide robust reporting mechanisms for users to flag instances of cyberbullying. Empower individuals to block and report offenders, reducing their ability to perpetuate harm. Along with our point above, being educated on the legal consequences of cyberbullying (see here for more information) can act as a deterrent and provide justice for victims. The mental health impacts of cyberbullying are not to be underestimated. By fostering a culture of empathy, resilience, and digital responsibility, we can create a safer online environment that protects the mental well-being of individuals, both young and old alike. If you or a loved one are a victim of cyberbullying, speaking to a mental health professional will provide the opportunity to receive valuable, personalised support and guidance in a confidential setting. You can start secure, online therapy today, by reaching out to our trusted team at We Lysn via welysn.com.

Mental Health of Indigenous Australians

By Katherine Nestor • June 30, 2024
NAIDOC Week 7-14 July, 2024, is a time for all Australians to come together and honour the rich history, culture, and achievements of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. As we reflect on this year's theme, "Keep the fire burning! Blak, Loud and Proud," which celebrates the unyielding spirit of our communities and invites all to stand in solidarity, amplifying the voices that have long been silenced, it's crucial to address a pressing issue that affects many Indigenous Australians: mental health. The State of Mental Health in Indigenous Communities Mental health issues are prevalent in Indigenous communities at disproportionately high rates compared to the general Australian population. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW), Indigenous Australians are nearly twice as likely to experience high or very high levels of psychological distress compared to non-Indigenous Australians. Factors contributing to this disparity include historical trauma, socio-economic disadvantages, discrimination, and a lack of culturally appropriate mental health services. Cultural Factors and Historical Trauma The legacy of colonisation, including forced removals, dispossession of land, and suppression of culture, has had profound and lasting effects on the mental well-being of Indigenous peoples. Historical trauma continues to reverberate through generations, manifesting in higher rates of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. Cultural factors play a significant role in the mental health of Indigenous Australians. Strong cultural identity and community connections are protective factors that promote resilience and well-being. However, the erosion of cultural practices and languages can contribute to a sense of loss and identity crises, exacerbating mental health issues. Barriers to Mental Health Care One of the significant barriers to accessing mental health care for Indigenous Australians is the lack of culturally competent services. Many mental health services are not designed with Indigenous cultural values and practices in mind, making them less effective or even alienating for Indigenous patients. The AIHW reports that only 27% of Indigenous Australians with mental health conditions access mental health services. Moreover, the stigma surrounding mental health in many Indigenous communities can prevent individuals from seeking help. Fear of judgement and a lack of understanding about mental health issues contribute to this stigma, further hindering access to care. Community-Based Approaches and Culturally Safe Services Addressing mental health in Indigenous communities requires a multi-faceted approach that incorporates cultural safety and community-based strategies. Programs that are designed and delivered by Indigenous people are more likely to be effective, as they are tailored to meet the specific cultural needs of the community. For instance, the Social and Emotional Wellbeing (SEWB) framework, developed by Indigenous health professionals, emphasises a holistic approach to mental health. This framework recognizes the importance of connection to land, culture, spirituality, family, and community in promoting mental health and well-being. Community-led initiatives, such as the Healing Foundation, work to address the impacts of trauma and intergenerational grief. These programs focus on healing through cultural reconnection, community empowerment, and building resilience. Government Initiatives and Policy Recommendations The Australian government has recognised the need for targeted mental health support for Indigenous Australians. The Fifth National Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Plan includes a specific focus on improving mental health outcomes for Indigenous Australians through culturally appropriate services and community-based approaches. However, more needs to be done to close the gap in mental health outcomes. Policy recommendations include increasing funding for Indigenous-led mental health programs, improving cultural competence training for all mental health professionals, and ensuring that Indigenous communities have a voice in the design and implementation of mental health services. NAIDOC Week 2024 provides an opportunity to highlight the importance of mental health for Indigenous Australians and the need for culturally safe, community-driven approaches to care. By acknowledging the unique challenges faced by Indigenous communities and supporting initiatives that promote cultural healing and resilience, we can work towards a future where all Australians have the opportunity to thrive, both mentally and emotionally.  References Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. (2020). Indigenous Mental Health. Retrieved from AIHW website Healing Foundation. (2021). Our Work. Retrieved from Healing Foundation website National Indigenous Australians Agency. (2021). Social and Emotional Wellbeing. Retrieved from NIAA website The Fifth National Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Plan. (2017). Retrieved from Department of Health website By addressing the mental health needs of Indigenous Australians through culturally competent and community-driven approaches, we can help pave the way for a healthier, more inclusive society.
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