A Psychologist Says This Is When to Call It Quits on an Unhappy Marriage
When any couple walks down the aisle and says “I do” the intention is forever. But as time goes on, sometimes, the person you promised to stay with has changed or external factors have created so much tension, and a relationship that was once functional and satisfying can feel irreparable. This month, MyDomaine Australia is focusing on the theme: Real talk. We’re taking it as an opportunity to have the much needed (though sometimes difficult) conversations that help our readers make more informed decisions. So, to navigate this tricky terrain we asked for the help of Lysn psychologist, Noosha Mehmanli Anzab.
When it comes to deciding if it's time to call quits on the marriage Anzab some signs to be aware of: "If you have made all attempts to salvage your relationship yet continue to feel indifferent, have emotionally checked out, if staying in the relationship is toxic to your emotional and physical well-being, if you or your partner are no longer committed to the marriage, or if there is a significant presence of the 'four horsemen' (contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling) which can’t be helped through therapy, mediation or communication, it's time to call it." Below she further explains some other key indicators and what to do about them.
SMALL IRRITATIONS START AFFECTING YOU IN A BIGGER WAY
"Small irritations in all aspects of life can start to impact you in a huge way. I’m sure at times we’ve all experienced this feeling—for example, something that you may have once found endearing in your partner is now the source of all of your frustration. Slowly, these small annoying traits begin to become rather large elephants in the room. Any relationship, particularly marriage, can be heavily impacted by this. Opening up lines of communication and spotting these behaviours as soon as possible will help in changing them for the better and to stop escalation to bigger things such as hatred and disconnect."
A DIFFERING OF NON-NEGOTIABLE NEEDS
"We all know the saying, 'opposites attract' but unfortunately, that’s not necessarily true. At the beginning of a relationship, points of difference may be exciting, refreshing, and motivate us to accommodate another person. Usually, there is a limit to just how much we tolerate, negotiate and compromise on. Non-negotiable needs such as deciding a place to call home, deciding if you want children or severely compromising morals, values, principles, and traditions can be a source of resentment or detachment. As humans, we are flexible, especially in accommodating for our partner’s needs, but let’s face it: There are just some things that are unchangeable and some rules that can’t be bent. If you are with a person who can’t see eye to eye or has non-negotiable needs that are worlds apart from yours, you can be sure to encounter some problems."